What is the terminology for this feeling state? - Any help from englishmen are appreciated!

HEllo friends,

Here i explain a feeling state of a person with a scenario. Please try to term his emotion.

He got his medicine degree 6 months back without a single piece of proud in him. He is simple in his outlook and clothings . nOt at all a luxurious man, and frugal in nature. He is introvert to the strangers. Once, he went to bank for opening a new saving account. When the bank staffs came to know that he is a young physician, they have special attention to him and casually asked about his educational details. Infact, This was a quite common situation.

But, This fellow hides his emotion and did the formalities perfectly and returned back with the state of guilty conscious. The special attention given by the bank staff is being the cause for his guilty feeling. Specially, AS he received this attention because of his educational qualification. tHat too from the strangers.

On the other hand, he feels happy when his patients appreciate and thanking for his good treatments. i can say that this fellow has "hippocratic face". He speaks with smiling face only to the known person . Yet, I can say "he is quite couragious".

I Just would like to know how to term his guilty feeling. I think, it is not usual feeling of guilt. Because usually people feel guilt when they do mistakes or crime. But, why did this fellow get guilty feeling when he experiencing some good situations too. After leaving bank, his Emotional rush continues and being restless for the period of time. He appease himself only after sharing this bank events to his parents and clinic working staffs. what kind
of emotion it is!

Any help is appreciated :-)

hi stalin,
Is it about feelings of self-worth? Feeling guilty that one did not deserve to be treated so well by bank staff? Low self-esteem? Sorry if I got it wrong, I am trying to understand.

Hello lynn,

Thanks for sharing your idea. I believe, Your observation in this track goes well. This guy had tough times through out his school days. That may be the cause for this kind of feeling. However, We must admit here the reality that when we see the various types of individuals with various dispositions. For example, some may be feign to have lots of talents. At the mean while, they have good communicative skills through which they maintain their image well. On the other hand, some peoples have real talents. but, due to the poor childhood periods, They lacks communication with society. and more or less deserves the image less than what they have to get exactly.

Hello lynn, do you know how to measure the level of inferiority complex by any scientifical methods? share with me if you know any techniques for that. For additional notes, i share with you some thing about this fellow. This fellow was twice asked by his two different college professors "why do you so proud of yourself?"(during his college life). This fellow use to experience low self esteem whenever
see girls. I think he may had low self esteem in terms of his physique also (in terms of appearance). is that any specific psychological term for that?
could you / anyone make out anything further about his mind?

Note: Bank staffs treated him well. but, he felt uneasy as they give special attention only after knowing that he is a physician. Infact, he dont want to tell that he is a physician outside / group / meeting. He thinks that he should not be focused in a special consideration either because of his status or his education.

When you mention physique, and people thinking "why do you so proud of yourself?", when actually the person has low self-esteem:-
It reminds me of what (in laymans terms) we call "Napoleon complex" or "Napoleon syndrome".
It is usually used about people who are short in height (although Napoleon was not short!).
One definition is "A personality complex that consists of power trips and false machismo to make up for short height and feelings of inferiority."

I found this article that mentions some of the things you also mention (how it can affect relationships etc). but you can find more about it by searching on the internet.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Napoleon-Complex-Or-Small-Person-Syndrome&id=3950905

Hello lynn,

Thanks for those ideas. As said by newton, every action has same and opposite reaction, it is difficult to understand whether a person has inferiority or superiority complex? One or the other way both are been expressed from the individual. when a person knows about things, he feel proud! when not knowing about things, atleast, he keeps quiet.

Regarding this fellow, this fellow is 6'2 feet tall. when he was around 10 and 15, he experienced racial discrimination. some of his white islam school friends use to call him 'crow'. Though they were all belongs to same
country. I think, color matters here than heights.

Anymore attempts to understand and giving term for his feeling
is appreciated.
:-)

This is a Mr. “Not Enough”. Whose characteristics resemble with as expressed by you, who feels much of the time insufficiency of Money, Time, Good Looks, Lucky Breaks, Smartness etc, with no Power+ Guilt Issues. A feeling of inadequacy is in his nature: i.e. Unsatisfactoriness or of being inadequate is due to the presence of low self esteem. This means the person has not sufficient money or power, influence to be successful and therefore feels guilty.

How he can break the image of Mr. ‘Not Enough”?

He must accept respect and praise with graceful thanks. He must 'never' feel guilty. He must stop blaming others for his failure or shortcomings. He must start believing himself. He must learn to be responsible. Learn to develop Self Esteem i.e. independent of circumstances. When he can accomplish this, he can accomplish anything. He must focus on learning to accept his desires, including desires he wishes he did not have, but not every desire that comes to his head. That will be too much. He must not lose the track of what he actually wants. His life Purpose of course. By reclaiming his Power he can become the person he wishes to be. And will not remain Mr. ‘Not Enough” anymore.

There's a movie called "Driving Miss Daisy"

The plot takes place in the 60's. Miss Daisy is elderly wealthy and Jewish. Her family hires a driver for her after she has an accident and is told she shouldn't drive.

The car is a new, modern delux one, nothing fancy, but nice. The driver is an African-American. (and this is the 60's US)

The movie is then mostly the interactions of this well brought up respectable, self respecting, proud etc. woman who now has to not only be driven places, but worries that her neighbors think she is "putting on airs" because she has money.

It seemed that her character revolved around someone who continuously denied their importance while at the same time used every bit of that importance to maintain a high position in life (as an elderly woman could in the 60's)

Patti, can you explain a bit about the message which you would like to convey with me.

do you mean to say that neighbours were worried about her increasing status. but, she kept good relation with the driver. Or

Without the awareness of the surrounding peoples , she led her life.

I think, i really lost your message. can you explain it directly.

@ pms,
Hitler was the introvert person during his early days of life. He hired a room from a jewish women after the death of his parents. When historians were enquiring the lady , she said that "Hitler was a calm and quiet boy. He lived in my house for 5years. but, never spoke to me more than a word or sentence. He uses to sell his paintings in the platform for his daily bread and butter and Never gave any trouble to anybody."

pms, is hitler really remained bashful and introvert throughout his life?

I have read the auto-biography of mahatma gandhi, and found he had low self esteem through out his life. he was a poor student,poor lawyer, but, how he became a father of a nation. In a particular chapter , gandhi explains about his first experience at the court of law. That is about how he argued in his first case. Infact, he is completly filled with anxiety, and unable to utter a single word while prosecuting. The whole court of law was literally swirled in his vision. then, he sat back to his seat.Then, That case was taken by his senior lawyer. But, For sure we all know that how this same person
spoke in the national political meetings. He is the person attempted suicide at his childhood. He is the one who stole gold from his brother's bracelet during his childhood. With in a few days, wrote regretting letter about it to his father. Infact his Father dont know about this event only. His father shed a single tear drop after reading his letter as he remains such a truthful man. Even today we call him a greatest soul of all as his auto-biography and life remains open book. so, i dont want to under-estimate this individual. Infact, A clever man could lead just a office- related life. but, men who lives in his heart rules the world. do you know that hitler have not even completed his school days. he lost exam thrice .

stalin.v wrote:Patti, can you explain a bit about the message which you would like to convey with me.

do you mean to say that neighbours were worried about her increasing status. but, she kept good relation with the driver. Or

Without the awareness of the surrounding peoples , she led her life.

I think, i really lost your message. can you explain it directly.

It wasn't about the neighbors worried about her increasing status, she was a widow and I think apparently owned an important big industry in the area now run by her only child.

She was raised not to be pretentious or be putting on airs. She felt it was not proper to show that one was acting like they were better than someone else.

You'd have to watch the movie. It's on YouTube.

Hello patti,

Thanks for the additional input about the "Driving miss daisy". Do you want to relate this particular character with the one whom i am taking about. Infact, The term "individualization" is very much necessary to understand one's psychology. However, Modern psychology limits the understanding of human mind by their generalized approach. Infact, Modern psychology and medical sciences are ever debted for this idea of dr.samuel Hahnemann.

:-)

Hi stalin.v,

Perhaps the english term(s) your are looking for is shame. That, he feels ashamed that he received preferential treatment. He feels that the royal treatment he received is undeserved.

I think it is hard for many of us to understand why he felt the way he did in the bank situation. Most of us would probably feel good about the special attention. That if the bank found out we were a doctor and began treating us better, we'd feel like we were finally getting the respect we deserve.

So, I can think of several reasons for it. I like to think that he is in fact a humble person and cares for humanity and the less fortunate. Cares for his patients. That it is the reason he became a doctor. (unless of course he became a doctor because his father wanted him to) To help others and not to get rich per se. But that still does not explain his odd feeling. There is something more there.

My first thought was that it could be largely cultural. Does he come from a traditional background? Are these his core values? Is there something like a cast system in place that is now changing with 'modernization' (similar to what Patti was saying about Miss Daisy)? Perhaps he has some disdain for the bank workers. That he feels they have a nice job and think they are part of his club now. A club that he himself does not value all that highly. Not that they are undeserving of that new wealth, but that with their new wealth they are setting themselves above others. Some kind of thought process like that in his mind. Also, if he is traditional, will his parents be choosing a wife for him? Does that happen in his society?

You mention that he is shy with girls. I am immediately curious whether or not the first person he dealt with at the bank was a cute, young woman that he fancied. But, she literally was not giving him any notice due to the way he was dressed and so forth. But after she learned he was a doctor she was suddenly interested. Something to consider.

I also find it interesting that he needed to talk to two distinct sets of people after the encounter. His parents and his co-workers at the clinic. Not knowing what their responses were, I would simply assume that he needed to talk about it with someone and felt better in doing that. I feel pretty certain that he did not find an real answer there. It is good that he is working with you on this, but I can't help but think that he needs something else. Specifically, he may need a mentor. He may be too old now for that, but there are just certain things that you cannot learn from your father. I am referring to the concepts developed by Robert Bly. Specifically what he expounds on in his book "Iron John: A Book About Men" and his many other works. Maybe he wants to find a nice, traditional girl who is not being swept up with what he feels is superficial change (modernization). What we would call a 'gold-digger' in the west.

Not being a reader or psychologist or in any such profession, as a friend I would tell him to drop the attitude. That it serves no purpose. To stop rationalizing these situations. To stop pre-judging others. It sounds like he is making assumptions as to their motives. I would say that he can still be humble and unassuming, but he needs to communicate better with those people. Find a way to share small morsel of his beliefs with them in a humble way. If he has a nice enough smile, I would tell him to use it. He doesn't have to say anything. Just use the smile and gage their reactions. You can't go wrong with a sincere smile. He can think of it as another way of helping people. He will walk away feeling good.

Ok. Those are some thoughts I hope may be helpful. Good luck.

mooky wrote:Hi stalin.v,

Perhaps the english term(s) your are looking for is shame. That, he feels ashamed that he received preferential treatment. He feels that the royal treatment he received is undeserved.

I think it is hard for many of us to understand why he felt the way he did in the bank situation. Most of us would probably feel good about the special attention. That if the bank found out we were a doctor and began treating us better, we'd feel like we were finally getting the respect we deserve.

So, I can think of several reasons for it. I like to think that he is in fact a humble person and cares for humanity and the less fortunate. Cares for his patients. That it is the reason he became a doctor. (unless of course he became a doctor because his father wanted him to) To help others and not to get rich per se. But that still does not explain his odd feeling. There is something more there.

My first thought was that it could be largely cultural. Does he come from a traditional background? Are these his core values? Is there something like a cast system in place that is now changing with 'modernization' (similar to what Patti was saying about Miss Daisy)? Perhaps he has some disdain for the bank workers. That he feels they have a nice job and think they are part of his club now. A club that he himself does not value all that highly. Not that they are undeserving of that new wealth, but that with their new wealth they are setting themselves above others. Some kind of thought process like that in his mind. Also, if he is traditional, will his parents be choosing a wife for him? Does that happen in his society?

You mention that he is shy with girls. I am immediately curious whether or not the first person he dealt with at the bank was a cute, young woman that he fancied. But, she literally was not giving him any notice due to the way he was dressed and so forth. But after she learned he was a doctor she was suddenly interested. Something to consider.

I also find it interesting that he needed to talk to two distinct sets of people after the encounter. His parents and his co-workers at the clinic. Not knowing what their responses were, I would simply assume that he needed to talk about it with someone and felt better in doing that. I feel pretty certain that he did not find an real answer there. It is good that he is working with you on this, but I can't help but think that he needs something else. Specifically, he may need a mentor. He may be too old now for that, but there are just certain things that you cannot learn from your father. I am referring to the concepts developed by Robert Bly. Specifically what he expounds on in his book "Iron John: A Book About Men" and his many other works. Maybe he wants to find a nice, traditional girl who is not being swept up with what he feels is superficial change (modernization). What we would call a 'gold-digger' in the west.

Not being a reader or psychologist or in any such profession, as a friend I would tell him to drop the attitude. That it serves no purpose. To stop rationalizing these situations. To stop pre-judging others. It sounds like he is making assumptions as to their motives. I would say that he can still be humble and unassuming, but he needs to communicate better with those people. Find a way to share small morsel of his beliefs with them in a humble way. If he has a nice enough smile, I would tell him to use it. He doesn't have to say anything. Just use the smile and gage their reactions. You can't go wrong with a sincere smile. He can think of it as another way of helping people. He will walk away feeling good.

Ok. Those are some thoughts I hope may be helpful. Good luck.

Awesome answer Mooky!

Hello mooky,

I take your views into consideration specially as you have named one's emotion. Daniel golemann, author of emotional intelligence, has explained in one particular chapter something like this. When you could able to name your emotion, that emotion becomes yours. So, naming a emotion is not an easy task unless we feel that particular emotion. For example, we cannot understand the word ''anxiety'' unless we experienced it in our life. Similarly, unless you experienced yourself "shame" in particular situation, you can neither particularize his emotion as "shame" nor understand his emotion. so, we all have experienced shame , but not at the same kind of situation. This where we find the individual variation. Anger, rage, anguish, peevish, irritable, snappish, - infact we all have experienced thousands of different emotions in our life. but, in which situation it is, becomes a matter here.

Your whole message has been framed from the view of 'social intelligence'. Although we all have different mental dispositions, we have norms to manage our social survivals. Let me take one example for this particular type of feeling which we are talking about. When a well -dressed educated man happened to interact with a manual labourer, the manual labourer submissively stoops his shoulder and giving quite anxious response. This is the same kind of emotions were suppressed by the fellow. However, he responded well to the questioners but .expressed them through restlessness and telling this matter to his parents. Here, i give you a important note about him for further understanding. If he himself thinks that he is a intellectually weak, he may think that he did not deserve their special attention. but, he has knowledge about many subjects including medicine. infact, in nutshell, he hates unnecessary appreciation. I still remembered that he felt proud and happy when he cooly answered to the question of his professor which are very complicated to all his college-mates. can anybody try still further to understand this emotion.

Note no 1: Jesus christ lead a poor social life as per the view of jews and peoples of his century. but, His life becomes history after his death. So, it is the mis-understandings of jews and contemporary peoples of jesus. Or the mistakes of jesus himself.

Note no 2: isn't Dis-liking the appreciation above the quality of ordinary human being?

Stalin, you can sum up your first paragraph with the phrase, "you don't know until you walk in another man's shoes"

So, if you already knew that, why would you ask this question of us and then be critical when you get answers?

I initially wrote a longer response to describe the movie, a couple more paragraphs, and then realized you needed to see it yourself to interpret it from your own lense.

I don't know Mooky, but I'm older, years give you time to have lots of experiences and observe life around you, and that was a very well written response to your question.

Hello patti,

Questions remain same in every century. but, answers keep changing. This is the path of science. Infact patti, even if i know something, i listen to others opinion for the betterment. Understanding and reasoning one's emotion is not an easy task. Although modern medicine keeps the psychiatric patients in drowsy states via drugs, it gives important to analysing and understanding the human mind. This is the part i am looking for.

Finally Patti, majority wins only in politics. science look for the evidences and truths.

stalin.v wrote:Hello patti,

Questions remain same in every century. but, answers keep changing. This is the path of science. Infact patti, even if i know something, i listen to others opinion for the betterment. Understanding and reasoning one's emotion is not an easy task. Although modern medicine keeps the psychiatric patients in drowsy states via drugs, it gives important to analysing and understanding the human mind. This is the part i am looking for.

Finally Patti, majority wins only in politics. science look for the evidences and truths.

Thanks Stalin, I took your words to say that no one could accurately answer your question. Now I see that you wanted different view points. Pardon me.

Hello patti,

No patti, you appear to be wrong. Ideas can ever change. but, the meaning of word is not so. my question is simple. The answer suppose to be a single english word. That's all. The greatest invention of human is language. can you tell me who invented english? if it is a derivative language, can you tell me that who invented latin and greek languages? atleast can you name the inventor of any one language of this world. This is ever been greatest wonder . Such a systematic configuration in every language ... who invented , let whatsoever language it is!

Infact, the answer for my question is single word. That is well expressed by the title of this discussion. we all have more or less experienced that emotion. It is just one of the emotion among the thousand. That is why i seek the help from englishmen. (infact many peoples lost their language identity and importance due to the british rulers of past centuries and english invasions. )

But, that one word can only be expressed by this man when he finds it.

We can only express that one word, by having 'walked in that person's shoes'.

Mooky said 'shame' and went on to explain the framework that could have created this emotion. But if it were a different framework, the same feeling could be felt, but a different name. Maybe add the word "self" in front:

Shame
Guilt
Esteem
Value
Worth

I felt it was related to not wanting to be "pretentious". Someone thinking they might be being acting like they are 'someone special' and doesn't want to be the type of person that acts like they are better than others, may have a bad feeling afterwards. Shame? Remorse? Hinesight Dread? etc.

Only the person with the feeling can pick the right word, in my opinion.

Guilt

Or, I don't know.

Look. In a sense I feel like I (we) are being led around in circles. Perhaps this is partly due to language, partly due to typing and reading (the internet) and not interacting face to face. I feel like you have provided conflicting information and/or opinions. Let me explain.

You have said that he got his degree without one bit of pride.
You have said that he has pride for what he does for his clients.
You have said that two professors asked him why he was so proud.
You have said that he was proud when answering hard questions in university that his classmates could not answer.
Your Note no 2 seems like you want to put him on a pedestal (no pride?)

You have mentioned that he is well read and so forth. I take this as meaning that he understands what pride is. Delusion. Just so we make sure what we are talking about, let me cut and paste from a few places (Thank you internet).

Pride is defined as an exaggerated positive evaluation of oneself, often based on a devaluation of others. It results in a kind of attachment to oneself and aversion to others.

"...to have greater self-awareness or understanding means to have a better grasp of reality. Now, the opposite of reality is to project onto yourself qualities that are not there, ascribe to yourself characteristics in contrast to what is actually the case. For example, when you have a distorted view of yourself, such as through excessive pride or arrogance, because of these states of mind, you have an exaggerated sense of your qualities and personal abilities. Your view of your own abilities goes far beyond your actual abilities. On the other hand, when you have low self-esteem, then you underestimate your actual qualities and abilities. You belittle yourself, you put yourself down. This leads to a complete loss of faith in yourself. So excess--both in terms of exaggeration and devaluation--are equally destructive. lt is by addressing these obstacles and by constantly examining your personal character, qualities, and abilities, that you can learn to have greater self-understanding. This is the way to become more self-aware."
From "The Art of Happiness at Work" by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D.

"One of the main obstacles is our pride. This pride is an inflated state of mind and relies on our false view of the transitory collection, which focuses on the existent self, attributed to our body and mind, and distorts it. When we are on top of a very high mountain, we look down on all the lower peaks. Similarly, when we are full of pride, everyone else appears lower. We are the best and everyone else is inferior. This pride is associated with our self-preocupation and makes us act inappropriately and disrespectfully towards others, thereby bringing us face to face with all kinds of unpleasant and unwanted experiences. As long as we feel and act as though we are the center of the universe, we will never develop real concern for others. To counteract this attitude we train ourselves always to think of them as supremely important by considering their good qualities and by reviewing our own faults and weaknesses."
from 'Eight Verses for Training the Mind' by Geshe Sonam Rinchen

"An authentically empowered person is humble. This does not mean the false humility of one who stoops to be with those who are below him or her. It is the inclusiveness of one who responds to the beauty of each soul. ... It is the harmlessness of one who treasures, honours and reveres life in all its forms."
Gary Zukav in 'The Seat of the Soul'

So we see that pride and low self-esteem are tied together at opposite ends of a spectrum of delusion.

"Emotions reflect intentions. Therefore, awareness of emotions leads to awareness of intentions. Every discrepancy between a conscious intention and the emotions that accompany it, points directly to a splintered aspect of the self that requires healing."
Gary Zukav

So, (trying to get the logic of this right...clear), you have said that he IS feeling a negative emotion. But if he is well read and knows that pride is a delusion, he should also know that he cannot find the answers to eliminate those negative emotions by telling his parents and co-workers. What did he tell them? "I was at the bank, and they hardly acknowledged me until they discovered I was a doctor. Only then did they start treating me well. Can you believe those guys!?!?!" Was that it? Or did he carry on and explain which emotion he was feeling? "I feel xxxxx because yyyyyy" ???

But you have not provided that information. Are you trying to guess at what he feels? Or, is there a hindi, urdu, sanskrit word you can give us? If not, then my final answer is Guilt.

Sorry about my previous response. I was trying to provide solutions for the crow. As I said before, he has issues with how the bank treated him. The bank consists of people. He needs to observe the negative emotions that arise but not let them rule him. I still believe the first step to this is not to go through the motions of being polite then run away.

Because, feelings of inferiority lead to isolation. In order to transform, use observation, analysis, equanimity, courage, and the practice of giving AND taking. He should ask himself, who caused my: education, intelligence, beautiful body, money? Does someone with self-confidence need to be proud? With this attitude and action he should become more self-confident, honest with himself and others, fearless, grateful, friendly and equanimous.

Start with smile. Repeat as necessary.

Or, he just feels inferior.

you posted great replies on this topic Mooky!

Hello mooky, patti, and lynn,

Thanks for the help and detailed replies.

what about the terms like shy, bashful, regression, contrition, etc.,

Maybe he was embarrassed.

As their are multiple emotions are involved you can use the term for that type of person.
Mr. ‘Inadequate’ i.e. a person, who is generally poorly balanced in human behavior, lacks the requisite qualities and resources; to live a normal satisfactory, successful life with high self esteem.



Parender Sethi